Lost

(older writing)

I feel so lost and so unbearably low. All I want is to feel comfortable again — to feel anything that resembles real happiness. Instead, I feel detached from my own body, like I’m watching my life fall apart from the outside. I’m here, but not really here. Everything feels distant. Everything feels wrong.

My friends feel like strangers. My home feels like a motel. My family feels like distant relatives I barely know. I don’t recognize my life or myself, and the hopelessness, helplessness, and heartbreak are suffocating. I hate it. I can’t explain it. It feels like everything I once understood has vanished.

I’m so sad. So depressed. So lost. I could cry forever and still not feel any relief.I keep asking myself: What can I do? How do I change this? Why do I feel like this?I just want a moment — even a glimpse — of hope or reassurance. Something to tell me I’m not completely gone.

But nothing feels right. Nothing feels familiar. Nothing even feels real.It’s like the world is slipping through my fingers, and I can’t get a grip no matter how hard I try.

Why does it feel like this? Why can’t I understand it? Why can’t I fix it? I’m helpless. Heartbroken. Hollowed out.

I’m here…but I’m lost.