Torn: The War Between Survival and Self-Destruction

(early teens, pre-diagnosis writing)

Torn between sobriety and intoxication

Torn between giving my all and giving up

Torn between love and isolation

Torn between good and bad

Torn between a clear conscience and a guilty one

Torn between beginning and ending

Torn between holding on and letting go

Torn between then and now

Torn between decision and contemplation

Torn between God and sin

Torn between a smile and a tear

Torn between genius and stupidity

Torn between self-help and self-destruction

Torn between victory and defeat

Torn between moderation and abuse

Torn between right and wrong

Torn between sanity and insanity

Torn between life and death

That's some shit.

Just when you think things are looking up, they go south 100x faster.

No, there is no win.

There is no end.

There is no better.

Failure has become a permanent state.

Weary and too weak, too tired to fight.

I can’t stand to keep fighting only to face more failure at the end of the struggle.

Failure.

Destined for failure.