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Disconnected & Depressed

One of the many shitty things about being bipolar is never knowing just how long the low-lows and the high-highs are going to last. Some people are able to track a pretty regular cycle, however, I have not quite figured out my formula. When my depression is at the worse, it has the tendency to erase all of life that was once good. Suddenly, the walls have closed in, you are the only one home and the only thing left in existence is your depression. I fight and fight and fight but it still has its wins. Far too many as far as I’m concerned. I will do everything from hanging out with friends/family, to exercising to getting outside to trying to enjoy a hobby…absolutely nothing helps. Every hobby I had brings no desire or excitement. Any day that existed outside of depression is completely erased from your memory. The ability to connect goes out the window, leaving you merely a shell around on earth. Why does this vicious cycle continue to happen? Where is the relief? I have gone through countless medications. Now it is on to ulterior methods…

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