From crying in despair to feeling okay then crying in hopelessness then back to okay. This is what my day looked like on Tuesday. It was the day after a ketamine treatment so I was especially taken aback, as I had never had this type of reaction before. It was as if every 2 hours a light switch would flip and everything would go from being terribly wrong to okay or vice versa. Even this rapid of mood changes is incredibly rare for me. I think one of the most frustrating things about bipolar and treatment resistant depression is the erratic mood changes. It feels as though I am on the worst roller coaster ride possible and I never know if I’m going to be at the top or bottom of it. I am thankful that the ketamine treatments have brought me some relief and a few days of stability, though. It is just recently I have hit a pretty bad slump and we are trying to get things back on track. I am also in the process of changing my anti-psychotic medication so that is not helping matters either.
After my wild ride on Tuesday, Wednesday (thank God) was a bit more stable. I did, however, still have some crying spells but nothing in comparison to the day before. I talked to my doctor and he determined it was probably best if I came in for another treatment on Friday to see if we couldn’t get things to level out. I had a ketamine treatment yesterday and I am happy (and grateful) to report that, other than a headache today from a crappy nights sleep, I am feeling a bit better. I do feel as though my bipolar depression has taken a slight shift in the right direction and, for now, it feels as though I’m just very patiently waiting in line to get back on the roller coast. This is one ride I am in no rush to get back on, though.