Up&Down

(older writing)

Everyday, up & down my emotions race.

Each day hoping happiness will find some pace.

It's a constant war, back & forth my mood will go.

What I will feel like tomorrow, I can just never know.

Already so many things experienced in life

So many experiences with just a flash of a knife

The good & the bad they all came together

Praying somehow your emotions become something you can live with forever.

Up & down, side to side my mind & heart flutter

A sickening contradiction between a happy heart and a cutter.

Trying to find yourself is a constant fight,

Caught between doing what's wrong & doing what's right.

When I make the wrong choice, it's only done to cope.

If I can forget the night, maybe tomorrow I can awake with hope.

Constantly I remind myself to believe in the good,

Forcing myself not to quit & always do all that I could.

The true depth of this would be impossible to explain,

The only ones who get it have truly experienced the pain.

Up & down in this world where nothing is concrete,

Fight through the struggles or you will quickly face defeat.

I will keep getting up, I will keep fighting back.

Each day continuing to revise my plan of attack.

But until the day that I feel I am truly where I should be,

I will face the pain & the trials head on until I feel that I am free.