Updated: Aug 14, 2019
Ketamine Round 4 and bipolar depression had quite the square off. This is the first time where I would say I had a bit of a “trip” during my experience. We have continually been increasing the dosage and I guess this one hit the sweet spot. After explaining to my dr. that I felt my third ketamine treatment had only lasted about 5 or 6 hours before my usual depression returned, we decided to up to the dose. I was lucid the whole time and the Dr. sat, talking with me as I went down the so called “k-hole.” I was recalling a trip from when I was younger. The memory felt more vivid than usual and at certain points I had to stop to collect my thoughts as I felt like I was getting off track. Once the hour was up, I went and sat in the waiting room for a good 15 minutes before I got in the car with my mom and left. When I got home, I knew I was going to be useless for the rest of the day. This was compounded by the fact that I had slept maybe 2 hours the night before. I laid on the couch and watched TV for about an hour and then managed to fall asleep on and off for about the next 3 hours. Once I woke up after my nap (or naps) I felt good. My mood felt better than it had when I went in for my treatment.
This time I feel like I got a little more mileage out of the ketamine. I feel like the depression held off for maybe 1-3 days. I also went out of town, which helped. The interesting part is that after that I started feeling as though I could cry all of the time. I have also been incredibly emotionally drained everyday (which is typically a sign of my depression), however, I was reading an article (https://bit.ly/2Kgag4k) about the powerful effects ketamine has on opening up emotions. So these emotions that we have blocked or shut down we are suddenly gaining access to. I am wondering if I am feeling the residual effects from this process. My Dr. Is currently out of town so I have not been able to talk to him about it yet. I will not have my fifth treatment for another 2 weeks. I am very interested to see how the ketamine continues to work in my brain and pray it helps get me some emotional stability.