F***! Bipolar Depression & Anger

A broken phone in pieces, used to represent the rage, exhaustion, and emotional overload often experienced during bipolar depression.

I know it’s been a while. These last few years have been brutal. Not just for me but for a lot of us. I’ve cycled through more medications than I can count, dealt with every side effect in the book, survived 40 rounds of TMS, switched doctors more times than I wanted to, sat through 100+ therapy sessions, and pulled more sleepless nights (unintentionally) than should be humanly possible. As I keep writing, I’ll dive into all of it in case someone out there is going through the same thing. If that’s you: you’re not alone.

So why am I back now? Because for the first time in a long time, I’ve had a sliver of stability. Not a miracle, just enough of a lift in the fog to breathe again. And honestly? I missed showing up for the people who read these posts and think, “Finally, someone else gets it.” If my experience can help even one person feel less lost in their own mental health maze, then I’ll keep writing.

I have Bipolar II, which means depression is my most frequent companion. And when people talk about bipolar depression, it’s usually the standard list: hopelessness, crying spells, emotional numbness, that familiar “heavy” sadness. What rarely gets mentioned, but absolutely needs to be, is the anger.

Not irritation. Not “a bad day.” It's bipolar aggression and anger. It is more appropriately labaled: Rage.

Rage.

The kind that blindsides you. The kind that feels alien and uncontrollable. The kind that makes you feel broken or ashamed, even though it’s a symptom, not a character flaw.

Most people don’t associate anger with depression, but for some of us, it’s one of the loudest signs that something inside is spiraling. Julie A. Fast wrote an incredible article, “20 Unexpected Signs of Bipolar Depression,” and it nails this part of the illness in a way most people never talk about. I’m sharing it because it helped me feel less defective, and maybe it can do the same for someone else.

Here’s the link:https://www.bphope.com/blog/20-unexpected-signs-bipolar-depression/

If you’re struggling with the rage-filled side of bipolar depression, or any side of it, I hope this lands somewhere in you that feels less alone. We're all trying to find our way through this. And even when it feels impossible, there’s always another chance, another tool, another moment of clarity ahead.

Hang in there. Really.