Treatment-Resistant Depression and the Wild Wild West Brain

Treatment-resistant depression is a bitch. It’s been eight days since my last treatment, and I can honestly say I’ve had seven full days of stability. Today — day eight — has been the slightest return of the Wild Wild West brain, but even that feels mild compared to what it used to be.

I haven’t felt any real stability since February, when I had three glorious weeks of it. Before that? I couldn’t even tell you the last time I experienced anything close to steady ground. My sleep has also been on track, with at least six hours a night. Thank God. Nothing drags my mood into the abyss faster than lack of sleep.

Anyway, I’m really happy with the results so far. The mood shift isn’t earth-shattering, but it’s enough. Imagine having the blinds closed — this feels like opening them just a little. Not full sunlight, but light enough to see the room.

I haven’t noticed any real side effects. Even the treatment experience itself isn’t bad. Most of the time, I barely notice anything at all — minus one session. Occasionally I feel like my memory gets a little more detailed, but that’s about it. It’s pretty smooth sailing (sorry to anyone hoping for a wild trip).

I’m anxious — in a hopeful way — to see if my sleep holds and if my mood stays at a manageable level until my next treatment on Monday.