At this point in my life, I feel as though I could be a pharmacist. I cannot even correctly count the number of drug nor drug combinations in which I have tried to mitigate the hell that is, for me primarily, bipolar and ADHD. Total this week I had about 3 “good weeks” and by good I mean stable. Where I felt as though my moods shifted appropriately, my sleep was reasonable and I felt like I could partake in the world like a “normal” human being. Those weeks were brought to an abrupt halt with a 5 day or so hypomanic episode followed by an ever increasing severe depression episode. This began in February.
Needless to say, things finally came to a head an abrupt intervention was needed this past week. Knowing that I have treatment resistant depression, I had been doing some ongoing reading about ketamine. My Dr. Had suggested it about a month ago as something we might want to start exploring but, due to recent events, we accelerated the process and I had my first intranasal dose two days ago.
There are a lot of myths that you read out there about the “trips” and the psychedelic effects that it can have. Personally, I had a very smooth experience. The dosing is specifically for depression or bipolar and was administered very slowly through each side of my nasal cavity. The ketamine was evenly distributed on both sides and I inhaled each time the the Dr. “Injected” the drop into my nose. He sat with me the whole time, talking with me making sure I was not having any sort of a bad trip and that my vital signs were good. At most I felt a heavy sort of high. I never felt out of control of my body, though, or had any sort of out of body experience. However, I would not dose myself with ketamine and then go drive a car. I did notice a shift in my mood and I asked the dr if this would last. He replied, “That is the hope.” The whole experience lasted for about an hour. I left the office with my body feeling a bit heavy but nothing too outrageous. I had a more hopeful outlook than when I first went in.
To my dismay, this feeling only lasted for a few short hours. I noticed a sharp downturn back to my depressed brain and was almost more depressed in realizing that the drug had only such a short effect on me. The Dr. did tell me that each time I come in for a treatment the effects should last longer than the previous time. So since this time only lasted a few hours, the next should last a few more. I go in for round 2 today, so I guess I will soon find out!