The Bipolar Roller Coaster: Whiplash, Ketamine, and Holding On

A visual snapshot of bipolar mood swings – chaos, contrast, and constant whiplash.

From crying in despair to feeling okay, then crying in hopelessness, then back to okay again — this is what my day looked like on Tuesday. It was the day after a ketamine treatment, so I was especially taken aback, as I had never had this type of reaction before. It felt as if every two hours a light switch would flip and everything would go from being terribly wrong to okay, or vice versa. Even this rapid of a mood swing is incredibly rare for me.

One of the most frustrating things about bipolar and treatment-resistant depression is the erratic mood changes. It feels like I’m stuck on the worst roller coaster imaginable, never knowing whether I’m about to be launched to the top or dropped straight to the bottom. I am thankful that the ketamine treatments have brought me some relief and a few days of stability. It’s just that recently I’ve hit a pretty bad slump, and we’re trying to get things back on track. I’m also in the middle of changing my antipsychotic medication, which isn’t helping matters.

After my wild ride on Tuesday, Wednesday (thank God) was a bit more stable. I still had some crying spells, but nothing like the day before. I talked to my doctor, and he decided it was probably best if I came in for another treatment on Friday to see if we could level things out. I had a ketamine treatment yesterday, and I’m happy (and grateful) to report that — aside from a headache today from a crappy night’s sleep — I’m feeling a bit better.

I do feel like my bipolar depression has shifted slightly in the right direction, and for now, it feels as though I’m just patiently waiting in line to get back on the roller coaster. This is one ride I’m in absolutely no rush to get back on.