Wide Awake in the Dark: The Battle No One Sees

It genuinely feels like no one understands. And honestly, I don’t blame them — I’m not even sure they could understand, or if they’d ever want to.

“Why are you up so late?”

“Why can’t you just go to sleep?”

I crack jokes because it’s easier than trying to explain the truth. People can’t begin to comprehend the depth.

They don’t see the relentless mental fight I go through every single time I try to sleep. This isn’t something solved by drinking more water, meditating, or “getting more exercise.” No. This goes way deeper — a kind of mental torment most people will thankfully never know. If others go through this too, no wonder the world feels so chaotic.

I wish I had someone who could relate — someone I could actually talk to. But I don’t. It’s too complex to explain, and I know most people would just stare at me like I’ve lost it. So I swallow it. The loneliness, the frustration, the anger, the fear. You get used to it in a way, even though it still stings.

For now, I hold it all in and keep going. Misunderstood, but still here. Still hoping that one day something shifts — that one day, this won’t be so heavy, and I won’t be fighting this war alone. Fighting this war alone, wide awake every night.